Hysterical, historical paternity suits

Writers enjoy invoking historical figures to bolster their argument. Guilty as charged. Who claims what “founding father” domain names? We should hold historical auctions. Every party needs a busted, portrait-ed, Declaration or Constitutional Convention badge holder. Who’ll take Lincoln (not a founder but marketable)?...any bidders? How about Hamilton? Jefferson’s not a big seller these days since his historical paternity suit.

Does anyone really read this quill-penned literature? Those Federalist Papers? Whew. Read a few biographies of Franklin for some intriguing perspectives. What a fellow? Where are the women? Read some of Abigail Adams’ letters. She was very insightful and kept John centered, most days.

There’s this new (non-herbal) tea party forming. Heard of it? They must be searching for a patron founding-father; no saints please, we’re Protestants, for the most part. At a Tea Party gathering this past year folks were wearing Jefferson t-shirts…pretty cool. But after speaking to a group of four people sporting the trendy urban black shirts, they couldn’t explain to me “…why Jefferson?” Will they grab Lincoln now?

The DNC and GOP had better get their bids in quickly…

Speakers will quote a dead person to add a ghostly presence to the boring podium, usually without cracking any primary source material. Speech writers read, probably. Who's your favorite founder?...let's widen the choices...Jackson? Now there's someone to study.

But first, we have this fresh, unused John Adams, comes with a very prolific Abigail, lots of letters to quote...any bids?